Relationships and Stress
We all have stress in our lives, whether it is job-related, material, financial, or parental. It can cause uncomfortable mental and physical reactions to life's events. This challenges your marital relationship. Building and maintaining a healthy marriage or relationship takes time and effort. With the day-to-day pressures of work, children and chores it can be easy to neglect to nurture your relationship and to take your mate for granted. In a marriage, some stress is good because it makes each partner work at the marriage. There are two types of stress: Eustress and Distress. Eustress is good stress that makes you do something better. Distress is bad stress that changes you when bad things happen.
Following are several ways to help deal with the stress that may be putting strain on your marriage:
Find out what things stress you out and figure out how to eliminate them.
Talk about your problems with friends
Exercise
Keep a sense of humor.
Don’t worry about mistakes
Say no when you don’t want to do something
Communication is perhaps the most important key to a strong, healthy relationship. Effective communication requires you to be an active listener—listening without judgment and focusing on what your partner is saying—as well as expressing your own feelings in a positive, truthful way. Marital stress is worst when partners take their stress out on each other. Your spouse may be blamed even when it is not his or her fault, because she or he is the one who is there for you to take out your anger. Often your spouse will do the same thing to you. This can create a vicious cycle. The following tips should help you break this cycle:
Take time to relax. When you get home from work, relax for a while before starting a serious conversation.
Ask your partner if anything is upsetting him or her. Talk with your partner and find out what is bothering him or her. Do not try to guess at what is making them upset.
Learn how you and your partner react to stress. Some react by not talking; others by complaining, sleeping, drinking alcohol, or taking it out on loved ones. Once you understand how you and your partner react to stress, your relationship should get better.
Don’t take it personally. It is important to remember to try to not take it personally when your partner gets angry while under stress.
Ask each other for what you need. It is important to tell your partner what you want and need. The more specific you can be, the more likely your partner will be able to do it.
Forgive yourself and your partner. Forgiveness is important for a successful marriage.
Spend time together. Spending time together helps make a healthy relationship.
One of the most common problems in a marriage is money. Many couples fight about who can spend it, who will earn it, and who will make decisions about it. There are some ways to lower stress in your marriage:
Discuss how you will spend and save money today and in the future.
Establish a budget and decide if you each want your own account or separate accounts.
Write down how much you spend
Make sure you and your partner talk to each other and come to an agreement that works for both of you.
Don’t allow you or your partner to worry about past mistakes.
Avoid blaming and judging each other—just listen.
Don’t bring up past mistakes in the marriage—this will only make things worse.
Make a plan. Both of you should think about how you can solve a particular problem.
Make your relationship with your partner a priority in your life. A relationship is a work in progress. It needs attention and effort to grow. No matter how busy you are, make time to spend quality time together, even if you have to schedule out specific time slots on your calendar. Laugh often with your mate and be willing to laugh at yourself. Maintaining a sense of humor can relieve stress and tension, and help you get through a difficult time together. Last one, but very important, keep romance alive. Relationships are often romantic in the beginning, but as time passes and couples become distracted by other things—work, children, bills, the house—they often take each other for granted. Make your partner feel special by doing something romantic, no matter how small. For example, make breakfast in bed for your partner, make a date for a special night out, take a walk on the beach, or have a picnic.
Overall, keep a positive and optimistic attitude, a sense of humor, and be patient with each other to secure and enjoy a happy retirement together.
By SASS Center
